How to Make Relationship Resolutions That Work

Let’s face it, the very idea of making “New Year’s Resolutions” is pretty f*king amazing.

  • Did you have a bad year? No worries, make a resolution to have a better one.
  • Do you want to lose weight? Easy, make a resolution to get a six-pack.
  • Did you have a bad year in relationships? Simple, just make a resolution to find love.

The world tells us that if you basically just make a magical wish on New Year’s Day, all your problems will be solved. Unfortunately, this is why so many of us wake up at the tail end of December wondering how we ended up never “passing go.”  When it comes to relationships and love, to take any positive steps forward, one must not only resolve, but also make changes to their life. So here are…

The 4 Rules of Change for Making New Year’s Relationship Resolutions

…and the resolutions that should go alongside them.

Rule #1
To Change: Acknowledge Your Mistakes and Learn from Them
Resolve: “To Learn from Your Mistakes” 

The old saying goes “If at first you don’t succeed, try and try again.” This is true for all relationships. Simply because a relationship ends, it doesn’t mean you have failed. You must ALWAYS invest in every possibility of partnership and eventually one will stick. We learn so much from the people we have failed relationships with. Those mistakes we make set us up for success when the right person comes along. 

Think of it as a new recipe you are trying. Sometimes the first attempt gives you a result that you are maybe not completely satisfied with. Maybe you needed more of some ingredients (a partner with a good job, a sense of humor) and less of others (Insecurities, too much focus on physical looks.) You will eventually master the perfect balance of all the right ingredients if you keep trying. That is how the perfect relationship (and recipe) is mastered.

Rule #2
To Change: Make a “Love Quad” Resolve: “To Focus on the Things That Matter to Me in Relationships” 

I am a big believer in vision boards. They allow you to focus on your dreams, goals and aspirations. A Love Quad is a mini vision board for your heart. To make one, grab a single sheet of paper and fold it in half and then in half one more time. Your paper should be folded into four small squares.  Fill out the following sentences in each square:

  • Top Left: “Things That Make Me Successful”
  • Top Right: “My Relationship Makes Me Feel”
  • Bottom Left: “Things My Future Partner Will Not Do”
  • Bottom Right: “Lessons That I Have Learned About Relationships”

Once you are done, fill out a few sentences or words that describe those feelings or questions that each quad asks. Use this Love Quad as a guide and firm reminder of all the things that you want from a relationship. Post them on your fridge, a mirror or any place that you can see it on a daily basis. This will help you visualize the things that are important to you.

Rule #3
To Change: Strengthen Your Relationship With “You”  
Resolve: “To Love Me First” 

The single most important relationship that one must master, is the one with themselves. You must feel confident and happy with your career, your home and your community before you attempt to bring a partner into your life. Take some time, to truly strengthen this relationship and be 100% happy with the person you are – without a partner. Remember, a partner should only enhance your life not fill in any missing pieces. This relationship enables independence and security in yourself.

The best exercise for this is to “Date Yourself” for a month. Take yourself to watch a movie or out to dinner at your favorite restaurant. Once you can master being comfortable with being out by yourself, you will have mastered the art of depending on yourself for happiness and not others. 

Rule #4
To Change: Date with Intention (DWI)
Resolve: “To Only Date People Who Have Potential to Be a Match!”

This is works hand in hand with your new love quad. In this new year, you are going to be focused on finding a relationship that supports you in all the ways you want. So, when it comes to vetting that person for a first date, you are going to take special care in selecting and making sure they are supportive of your Love Quad. When you only go on dates with quality people, you are dating with intention and not just to date.

“The Golden Rules Of DWI”

  • Never go on a date just because someone asks you. You will now vet every person to see if they are worth your time and that they meet the requirements of your future life. If they don’t meet those requirements, you don’t date them. You are no longer wasting time on people that do not measure up.
  • When you date, you are looking to find a partner and settle down. If this is not your goal, then you are not ready to date. If this is your goal, then have confidence in sharing this with people.
  • You make an honest and heartfelt commitment to communicating with a potential match and planning time together.

[Finding Cupid cross post]

About the author

David Cruz

David Cruz is a matchmaker and dating coach known for his work with the LGBTQ+ community. He is most famous for his roles on the hit Bravo TV show, "The Millionaire Matchmaker" and WEtv's, "Million Dollar Matchmaker". He is the founder of and the host of his own weekly podcast, "Finding Cupid Radio". David is a strong advocate, member, and proud influencer of the LGBTQ+ community nationwide.

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