3 Ways to Determine if Your Summer Fling is Just That

With summer in full-swing, dating and seeking out new long-term romantic partners can go on the back-burner. Why waste a free night on a person you hardly know when there are street festivals, movies in the park, BBQs, and plenty of live music galore? It’s much easier to meet up for a casual encounter later in the night than risk missing out on a good time for a date that could be a dud.

Summer creates a space for us to let loose more than any other season, and with that comes more opportunities to meet new people. Combine meeting new people with a carefree attitude, and you have the perfect scenario for meeting potential flings and hookups. Our focus shifts from considering if someone is a good fit to what they look like in a bathing suit, if they are festival-ready, and whether they like the same IPA. Every now and then, summer flings end up being more, and blossom into something more substantial. How do you know if a summer fling is just that: a fling? Here are three ways to determine if your summer flame is worth fueling:

1. You have great chemistry (not just in the bedroom).

Chemistry can come in forms, including intellectual and emotional chemistry. Best of all, chemistry can build when you least expect it. If you find yourself lying in bed late into the morning, going out for breakfast chatting about the latest episode of Game of Thrones, or bantering about whether Coachella or Lollapalooza had a better lineup, you probably have more in common than just a mutual attraction. Having interests in common as well as the desire to spend your free time the same way create a great foundation for dating and getting to know the person even better.

2. You find yourself wanting to invite them out with you and your friends.

One of the best parts of a summer fling is that they can be your little secret and you can to be in your own sexy bubble without getting “real talk” feedback from your friends. But what about when you find yourself asking them, “I have a BBQ to go to, why don’t you just come with me?” and realizing it’s not so scary to bring your fling around your crew? This shows you’re feeling more comfortable around this person and excited to have them by your side. Seeing someone you are developing feelings for chat-up your friends can be a huge turn-on and can determine whether or not this person is worth pursuing.

3. You feel desired, respected, and comfortable.

The most important factor in determining if your flame is worth your time is how you feel when you are with them. Feeling desired, respected, and comfortable are key components to laying a healthy foundation for a new relationship. Relationships are most successful when we feel that we can be our true, authentic selves around the other person. Feeling desired and sexy is also vital to keeping that summer flame alive when the weather starts to cool down. Desire that can outlast the summer is definitely worth thinking twice about. Respect really goes without saying: if you don’t feel that your body, needs, or time are being respected, tell ‘em boy bye (or girl, of course).

Flings and short-term relationships can add some necessary fun and lightheartedness to our lives. Whether your summer fling turns into a full-on romantic interest or only stays a short-lived dalliance, the most important thing is that you are focusing on your continued well-being and happiness. Worst case scenario? You’ll have a great story and a fantastic summer glow.

About the author

Becca Hirsch
Marriage & Family Therapist, MA, AMFT | rhirsch@symmetrycounseling.com |

As a therapist in Chicago, Becca empowers her clients to explore their identity, their desires, and their values in a collaborative and open environment. She encourages clients to find their authentic voice and personal values among societal, peer, and family influences that hold standards for what and how relationships, intimacy, and success “should” be. Her style of therapy is engaging, collaborative, and solution-focused while using validation, empathy, and humor. Learn more about Becca here.

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