Why Butterflies Don’t Matter

butterflies in stomach

Growing up, I always held a view that when I met the love of my life it was supposed to be MAGIC and CHEMISTRY…and an explosion of smiley face heart emojis all at once, mixed with sparks, dipped in gold and sealed with the perfect kiss. That, my friends, is what I thought it was all about, and I took pity on anyone that didn’t have that instant feeling. I watched my sister “friend zone” her now amazing husband and progressively fall in love with him over time. And I thought, “Nope, that’s not going to happen to me.” I’m going to know right away, it’s going to smack me in the face.

Fast forward to current day and guess what? I’m on the road to marrying my very own friend zone suspect.

It’s silly really; why do we impose these rules on what everything in a relationship is supposed to be? Why do we make lists of requirements, and write things off just as soon as it doesn’t fall into the perfect mold we envisioned? Why do we think we need butterflies?

We don’t. We don’t need any of it, really. Here’s what I think it all boils down to in one word: Intrigue.

It’s something I thought about as I reflected back on my own relationship, laughing at how the boy who I swore would be my friend, and wasn’t my type and didn’t even LIVE in my actual state at the time, has now become the absolute love of my life.

It sure as heck wasn’t butterflies. It was intrigue. Even though my head was coming up with all the reasons why he wasn’t the guy for me, I liked who he was as a person. And slowly but surely, the rest fell into place.

As matchmakers, it is our goal to find our clients their better half, and sometimes that means pushing them beyond their pre-conceived notions about what’s good for them. Or what they think they should feel. Now, when I hear someone say, “We went on our first date, and he was nice, but I didn’t feel any sparks,” I think to myself, that’s okay. Just because it wasn’t instant, doesn’t mean you have to get down on yourself or assume it must not be a real connection. I didn’t like my best friend when we had our first sleepover in the 5th grade, but I’ll tell you what –I was in her wedding last year.

It’s okay to have a slow build, but are you intrigued? Is there something about them that makes you curious? And if the answer is yes, then well, that’s all you need.

So if you don’t have butterflies and sparks right away, I’m here to tell you it doesn’t matter! Because once upon a time, a little intrigue developed into MAGIC that turned into CHEMISTRY that threw up all the lovey emojis wrapped in a “they’re so in love, let’s all collectively eye roll” kind of love.

 

About the author

Julie McKee
Matchmaker, Chicago at | julie@threedayrule.com

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