Your resume is impressive. You take great care of yourself. You deserve someone amazing. Well, we agree! We do, however, hear many of our female clients making excuses that create barriers between themselves and lasting love. What are those excuses and why are they so wrong? We’ve compiled a list using input from our expert matchmakers, so keep reading to learn more about why everything you think you know about dating might be wrong.
1) He is intimidated by my success
Women often think that men aren’t interested in them because they are intimidated by the woman’s success. Well, as one matchmaker puts it: “In my entire matchmaking career, I have never heard a guy say that.” Men won’t stop dating you because they are intimidated by you. In fact, most men respect women with ambition. Not all men are actively looking for Type-A power women, but it’s certainly not a turnoff. We do hear that men don’t want to just talk business 24/7, but who does? They want to know you have other interests besides work, just like you do for them. But being intimidating because you have such a great job? That’s just an excuse.
2) He isn’t hot enough
Ask any of your married friends if they ended up with the hottest guy they ever dated. Unless they married their childhood sweetheart, surely the answer is no. You shouldn’t assume that because you dated a male model once that all future boyfriends should also be perfect 10s in the looks department. It isn’t a “right” or an “honor” to date the hottest man – but you do deserve to date the best man. So give that guy who doesn’t have six-pack abs a chance – he might be the one who knows how to treat you the best that you’ve ever been treated, but you’ll never know unless you give him a few dates to show you.
3) My friends don’t think he’s good enough for me
News flash! Your friends have ulterior motives. Nobody wants to be the last single girl standing, and sometimes, your girlfriends might miss having you all to themselves. It’s not unusual for friends to (knowingly or unknowingly) sabotage your potential partners and get in your head, just because they want a partner in crime on the town. Keep this in mind when dating. Take your friends’ advice with a grain of salt, especially if they are single. And just remember that you have different taste in men than your friends do, and for good reason! If everyone had the same taste, we’d all be fighting over one guy.
4) He doesn’t make as much as I make
Are you looking for a business partner or a life partner? Everyone has different priorities and different paths when it comes to money. Keep in mind that who makes what isn’t set in stone. While you might make more money now, there’s always the possibility that in ten years you’re unemployed and he’s making the big bucks. Sure, he has to have goals, but if you’re thinking nickels and dimes, you’re devaluing what is really important in a long-term relationship by boiling it down to a business partnership.
5) He’s too busy
He’s not too busy, he just has his own life. And you should too. If a guy is still single when he’s in his mid-30’s and beyond, he is taking time to become the man he wants to be – to travel internationally, build his career, and hone his hobbies. These are all great things! It may mean that for the first few dates he is really quite busy and isn’t making time for you yet, but that doesn’t mean that once you become important to him he won’t make the time. If he’s not texting you all the time, just chill. Men take their time to get to know you, and if you eventually get into a serious relationship you’ll be in touch every day, so enjoy getting to know each other.
6) I go on tons of first dates but am never blown away.
Well, uh, duh! You’re both strangers and chemistry can take time. As we get older, we have all been burned and are maybe more cautious about getting to know people. People aren’t their carefree selves on the first date like they were at 25, so it can take longer to see that sexy, dynamic side. And this isn’t ABC. You don’t meet someone and fall into steamy sex immediately. It may take a few dates to even stomach the thought of kissing them, but then you could fall madly in love over time and that person will become the most attractive person in the world to you. Trust us, we’ve seen it happen a million times.
7) The kind of guy I will marry isn’t on dating apps
They are. As dating apps become ubiquitous, even the guys with the Ivy League degrees and high-powered jobs can be seen swiping. What doesn’t help your case? Not trying. If you saw your dream man in a bar, you’d walk up and talk to him right? No? You’d just let him walk away? Putting yourself out there, both on dating apps and real life, is the best way to find the guy. Think about it the way you would a task at work – would you just do nothing and hope it gets done? Absolutely not! So take action for your love life and make it happen.
8) I have really specific things I’m looking for and won’t compromise
When you’re old and gray, will it really matter that he’s 6’3? Or that he went to Stanford? No. What will matter is that he is kind, and thoughtful, and that he adores you. It’s ok to know who you are and what you want, but be sure your “list” is focused on traits that really matter in the long run, not ones that make you look good in your New York Times wedding announcement. Why can’t you have all of those things – the meaningful and the superficial? Well, every time you add something to the list, you’re narrowing down the people you can date, and the possibility that when you do find a great guy, you’ll recognize it. Even if he doesn’t drive a Porsche.
Can one article change your mind? Perhaps not. But after years in the business of helping people find love, one fact is apparent: the person you end up with doesn’t always come in the package you might expect. And it’s usually a pleasant surprise.