3 Things NOT To Have At The Top Of Your Dating Checklist

As a young, professional woman, I can tell you with confidence I see at least three social media posts a week from my friends with links to articles like “10 Ways To Know He Is The One” or “5 Easy Steps to Catch Your Perfect Mate” and, while those are all wonderful things to be aware of, I think it is just as beneficial to work the system backwards sometimes! Instead of seeing if they have your “checklist top 3” why not look at it from a different perspective and identify some things to NOT look for right off the bat in a partner?

1. Someone attractive

I know, I know – this is “must have” for pretty much everyone. But, hear me out! How many times have you seen someone and thought “They’re out of my league” but then they look at you from across the bar and give you a flirty smile…What?! Instant confidence boost, right? Listen, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to date someone you’re attracted to but if a hot girl or guy is your #1 priority because it makes YOU feel attractive then you’re barking up all the wrong trees. Your partner’s attractiveness should not feel like a direct reflection of your own. You are beautiful because of the simple fact that there is no other person like you on the planet and you’re handsome because of your “you-ness”. Once you internalize that truth and cut out hotness from the top of your list of date requirements, trust me, the true hotties will start lining up…and not just the hotties who have the gorgeous looks; your inner confidence calls to the hotties who are attractive deep down to their core.

2. Someone successful

Let me just say, it is completely normal to want someone to be successful and passionate about whatever field they’re in….duh. But have you taken the time to look at your own life to see if you’re as successful as you want others to be? Success and passion attracts the same in others, so if you’re putting your passions first and truly following what makes you feel fulfilled then the CEO’s are going to be interested to see what makes you so successful… and maybe even buy you a few drinks to get the conversation started too. 

3. Someone with a great personality

Obviously no one wants to date a stick in the mud, and to be honest, personality should be at the top of the priorities list anyways and not #3 when it comes to a potential partner. But, are you putting so much emphasis on your partner being super fun to be around without taking to the time to find out if you even enjoy your own company?  If you’re looking to someone else to fill your time with enjoyable company that’s going to get really draining on that person very quickly. You should have just as much fun hanging out with just you for a night or two as you would hanging out with a significant other! If you’re satisfied with your own company first and foremost, I promise someone will come along and want to share life’s party with you!

Moral of the story is – don’t worry about if someone else is marking off all the boxes on your checklist! Look at yourself and see if you are the kind of person that you would personally enjoy being around – and then the true fulfillment can come after, as your internal foundation makes you someone that another person would be interested to have a relationship with.

If we look to someone else to satisfy what we’re lacking in life then we’re going to end up attracting the wrong people for the wrong reasons. I don’t know you personally, but I can truthfully say….You are awesome just because you’re you! If you start to truly believe that and find yourself to be as much of the “complete package” as you hope to find in someone else, you’ll wake up one day and realize you’re attracting the exact people that you want to be with.

by Los Angeles Matchmaker Clancy Cauble

Like Clancy’s philosophy? Set up a meeting with her or another TDR matchmaker here: SIGNUP!


2 Comments on “3 Things NOT To Have At The Top Of Your Dating Checklist”

  1. As a married woman, I actually think all of these things should be a priority. Yes, I get that the message of this article is “like yourself first”. Alright. But assuming you already like yourself and have confidence, then these traits are actually pretty damn important in a long term relationship unless you’re a fan of marriage counseling, money struggles, infidelity, and divorce.

  2. Take a good look at your friends! This is who you are. Almost all surround themselves with friends who are most like them self’s. Do you like what you see? This is what a potential mate sees also. When dating and searching for a mate, look outward at his/her friends also. The best you will ever see of a person is in the first few months or the courting period on the average. There are some gems out there, many overlooked.

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