Possibly the most frustrating thing in all of dating: the excitement leading up to a first date and then the disappointment when there’s no second. Oftentimes, it plays out like this: You have what you think is a great date and then you wait for a follow-up – only to never hear from the person. And to make matters worse, you aren’t sure where you went wrong, so the next time you go on a date, you make the exact same mistakes. Lather, rinse, repeat and feel the disappointment all over again.
I’ve got good news – it’s time to stop that vicious cycle! I’m often the third party that gets the information that’s generally left unsaid or glossed over, so here we go: Thirteen real life reasons (that I’ve heard from friends, family and clients) why a second date didn’t happen:
- “She didn’t laugh once the whole date. Literally, not once. Not really even sure there was a smile in there.”
- “He didn’t look anything like his picture online. I’m talking full-beard and man bun different.”
- “He invited me to go away with him to Europe – on the first date.”
- “She was on her cell phone the entire time. It was so incredibly awkward, not to mention rude.”
- “He had horrible eye contact. He kept looking all over the place, and clearly wasn’t listening to what I was saying because he asked questions I had already answered.”
- “She pulled out her phone and started showing me pictures of luxury vacations and big groups of friends – it was almost like she had something to prove.”
- “He picked a strange place for dinner – really out of the way for me, a young crowd, super busy and he didn’t make a reservation on a Friday night! And he showed up 10 minutes late”
- “He closed the date with a handshake – super awkward!”
- “He showed up in a shirt with stains on it. Actual stains.”
- “He had one too many drinks. And then he started talking about his ex. A lot. No thank you.”
- “She researched me before the date, and then showed up asking questions about my job like it was an interview. Huge turn-off.”
- “I could tell he was really cheap. He didn’t even offer to buy my $2.50 coffee.”
- “He mentioned he liked to cut and eat his own body hair, soooooo that was a no-go for me.”
Minus lucky number 13 (I got nothing for that), these are all easy fixes! Be thoughtful when choosing a date spot – no need to do anything fancy, but be considerate of your date’s location and the traveling time for him/her. If you chose a popular restaurant on a busy night, make a reservation. Pick a place with good ambiance where talking isn’t a challenge. Show up early, stay off your cell phone, make eye contact, smile if you’re interested, ask engaging questions – over all, be present. Close the night appropriately (not with a handshake or an invitation to go away for a week), and a second date will be on the calendar in no time!
As a matchmaker, we hear stories like this all the time. If you’re ready for a good date of your own, set up time with Callie, our DC Matchmaker. She’s firstname.lastname@example.org or you can sign up to meet a matchmaker in your city here.