13 Real Life Reasons You Didn’t Get a Second Date

Possibly the most frustrating thing in all of dating: the excitement leading up to a first date and then the disappointment when there’s no second. Oftentimes, it plays out like this: You have what you think is a great date and then you wait for a follow-up – only to never hear from the person. And to make matters worse, you aren’t sure where you went wrong, so the next time you go on a date, you make the exact same mistakes. Lather, rinse, repeat and feel the disappointment all over again.
I’ve got good news – it’s time to stop that vicious cycle! I’m often the third party that gets the information that’s generally left unsaid or glossed over, so here we go: Thirteen real life reasons (that I’ve heard from friends, family and clients) why a second date didn’t happen:
  1. “She didn’t laugh once the whole date. Literally, not once. Not really even sure there was a smile in there.”
  2. “He didn’t look anything like his picture online. I’m talking full-beard and man bun different.”
  3. “He invited me to go away with him to Europe – on the first date.”
  4. “She was on her cell phone the entire time. It was so incredibly awkward, not to mention rude.”
  5. “He had horrible eye contact. He kept looking all over the place, and clearly wasn’t listening to what I was saying because he asked questions I had already answered.”
  6. “She pulled out her phone and started showing me pictures of luxury vacations and big groups of friends  – it was almost like she had something to prove.”
  7. “He picked a strange place for dinner – really out of the way for me, a young crowd, super busy and he didn’t make a reservation on a Friday night! And he showed up 10 minutes late”
  8. “He closed the date with a handshake – super awkward!”
  9. “He showed up in a shirt with stains on it. Actual stains.”
  10. “He had one too many drinks. And then he started talking about his ex. A lot. No thank you.”
  11. “She researched me before the date, and then showed up asking questions about my job like it was an interview. Huge turn-off.”
  12. “I could tell he was really cheap. He didn’t even offer to buy my $2.50 coffee.”
  13. “He mentioned he liked to cut and eat his own body hair, soooooo that was a no-go for me.”

Minus lucky number 13 (I got nothing for that), these are all easy fixes! Be thoughtful when choosing a date spot – no need to do anything fancy, but be considerate of your date’s location and the traveling time for him/her.  If you chose a popular restaurant on a busy night, make a reservation. Pick a place with good ambiance where talking isn’t a challenge. Show up early, stay off your cell phone, make eye contact, smile if you’re interested, ask engaging questions – over all, be present. Close the night appropriately (not with a handshake or an invitation to go away for a week), and a second date will be on the calendar in no time!
As a matchmaker, we hear stories like this all the time. If you’re ready for a good date of your own, set up time with Callie, our DC Matchmaker. She’s callie@threedayrule.com or you can sign up to meet a matchmaker in your city here.
Callie

One Comment on “13 Real Life Reasons You Didn’t Get a Second Date”

  1. Over the last year and a half I have been on 65 first dates. I’ve been on probably close to 200 first dates over the last 4 years. Out of the 65, maybe about 20 or so went to second, third or beyond dates. I have experimented with #12. I sometimes buy and I sometimes don’t buy. It’s not that $4 is expensive for a single date, of course it does add up over 65-200 dates, but its kind of the principle of it. Does there have to be a reward for her to show up, or is she genuinely interested in meeting someone? The way I see it, if you have a good time, and there is chemistry it shouldn’t matter. I can only imagine a woman has an expectation of wining and dining if she is worried about the man buying her coffee. I mean talk about cheap when it is she who is worried about $2.50? In my experience, buying the coffee or not buying the coffee makes no difference. It doesn’t improve my odds to buy the coffee, and doesn’t appear to reduce my odds to not buy her coffee. But you know what really blew me away once? A girl bought my coffee. Once in my lifetime. Only once. We did end up dating for a while (obviously for more reasons than just the coffee, of course). But it makes you think, why is there an expectation for the man to buy her coffee? Why does it almost never come up that a girl buys him a coffee?

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