“What can I do to get her to like me??” This is a common question that I’ve heard more than frequently from my guy friends, clients, and acquaintances when a guy is really into a girl but doesn’t know how to impress her enough to win her over. Although we are in the 21st century, many women still expect men to “chase” to pursue the woman in a dating scenario. In reality, women do like being chased- it’s how we are biologically made, just like how men are created to want to be “the chaser.” For hundreds and thousands of years, men have been expected to be the providers in relationships, and historically, women are taught to like that. Times have changed, but there are still lessons to be learned from ancestral origins and past cultural practices. So, if that’s the case, what is it exactly that we like guys to do to win us over?

In reality, there are many sexy things girls love in a guy…and many of them have nothing to do with sex. Girls observe the whole package when checking men out and find certain non-sexual qualities downright irresistible. Obviously, our initial attraction is based on perhaps just the physical aspects, but we simultaneously notice his personality and approach as well. As emotional creatures, we crave to find out if we like what’s beneath the surface — and behind that charming smile of yours.

While you may think that we’re playing it cool, we’re actually judging you like crazy to see what you have to offer. I mean, we’re contemplating our future, and the definition of what the rest of our lives look like, so the evaluation process can’t be taken lightly. You may think you’re a king (especially the guys I’ve been meeting in New York City), but if you’re not doing these things underneath that crown, she won’t be too impressed with what you have to offer. Whether you’re in a relationship or trying to win a girl over, with these top 3 simple tips, you can be crushing it in no time.

1. Keep chivalry alive

Any guy who thinks chivalry is a dying art needs to get his facts straight. Us girls love old fashioned chivalry, and you have the capability of doing it. All you have to do is act like a gentleman- make plans, offer to pick her up and/or take her home, open doors, walk on the outside of the sidewalk, etc. I’m not even talking about gifts or anything, but it’s the act of taking the initiative to show that you care and want to protect her. If you had a great date and she refuses to let you walk her home, asking her to simply “text me when you’re home safe” speaks volumes to a girl. When a girl is getting to know you, your sexy appearance will be secondary to the kind of guy we sense you are. Your actions will speak louder than words and take high priority on her checklist. If you want to impress, you won’t go wrong by acting like a gentleman. Trust me.

2. Have a pair of balls, and know where you’re going in life.

Women like to feel protected (have I said this enough times?), so there’s nothing more unattractive to us than a guy who doesn’t know what he wants or where he’s going in life. Confidence is key. Having goals and the ambition and drive to fight for what he wants is very attractive to us and makes us feel safe and taken care of. I’m not just talking about career, but also in his personal life. In this day and age, women have become strong individuals that thrive in both the workforce and household. If we’re working so hard to lean in and be the best that we can be, why would we want to be with someone with no goals, ambition, and can easily be swayed by his friends when making decisions? If you want something, go get it!

3. Get to know what we like and make plans with us, while keeping up your own interests.

Girls like attention, so it means the world to us when you are really taking to heart what we like and then make surprise plans to do things together. Guys like to be direct, but we’re not always that straightforward. I know, it may be annoying, but sometimes we like to hint at certain things that we like and see whether you’re really listening. Do you recall a moment when we have looked into the distance and commented that “pink roses are my favorite?” Or when we said that we’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii for vacation? Well, if you can show up during our next date with a bouquet of pink roses and a suggestion of taking a trip together to Hawaii sometime, you’ve pretty much won our hearts. I’m not saying you literally need to do all these things to win us over. It doesn’t have to be expensive- sometimes it could be just a simple gesture. As long as we feel that you’re truly listening to us and want to make an effort to make us happy, that’s all that matters.

Well guys, there you have it. If there’s a girl you’re crushing on right now, I hope that these 3 simple things can give you some food for thought in how you can take the relationship to the next level. As a Three Day Rule matchmaker, I meet and interview hundreds of individuals on a daily basis to get to know them, give them tips and advice, and hopefully create a happily ever after. I can give you a list that goes on and on, but at the end of the day, the biggest tip is to be true to yourself and don’t play games. We may like the chase, but there’s nothing more we can really ask for than a guy with a genuine desire to love and be with us.

by Louisa Liu

Matchmaker, NYC

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