coachella crowds
But everyone is going!

Frolicking in the desert dust. Boho chic outfits that only look good on 19 year olds. Bands you’re sort of embarrassed you’ve never heard of. That’s right, it’s time for Coachella once again. And, surprise! You’re not going. It’s not that you don’t want to spend your hard earned paycheck partying with millennials, or that you weren’t organized enough to find a house in La Quinta to pack 9 friends into, or that well, raves really just aren’t your thing — it’s actually all of those things combined.

coachella girl
This could be you

But still, even though Coachella doesn’t thrill you, there’s still a bit of FOMO that comes with every festival season. You start to reminisce about your carefree early twenties, when none of your friends had babies and you didn’t spend most of your disposable income on wedding presents. Part of you really does miss those concerts. Those nights where the music takes you over and you can dance in public like you’re by yourself in your living room. Even though you’re too rational and too mature to go, there’s still a little bit of you that thinks about hopping in the car and heading to Indio.

coachella parachute
wish you were here?

I’m here to say, screw your Coachella FOMO. You’re not going, and this is about to be the best two weekends of your life. Why? Your dating game is about to be taken to the next level. I’m serious. Because everyone you hate about the dating scene is gone. The flaky ones. The super-skinny model types with no substance. The fratastic bros. The ones who lease cars they can’t afford to impress you. The DJs. The club-goers. For two weekends only, they are all gone.

I bet his shoulders hurt
I bet his shoulders hurt

In reality, these two weeks are quite possibly the best time to date in Los Angeles. The city is left with the people of substance. Those guys you’re looking for that actually know how to save their money for a responsible condo down payment, they’re here. Those girls who have real jobs and you can take home to mom, they’re here! In the absence of Coachella party people, the city is full of, well, the good ones. It’s a rare opportunity that I hope you realize is a huge chance to put yourself out there, because you’ll probably have better luck finding someone.

So hop on Match, or OkCupid, or Hinge, or reach out to your TDR matchmaker today, because now’s the time to find the one. Noachella for life.

coachella tupac
Peace out, Coachella life.

by Kate Edwards

Ready to embrace the Noachella life?

Sign up at threedayrule.com to meet with a matchmaker for free. Your former flower child will thank you.

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