The Dating Buffet! Does Quantity Ever Trump Quality?

Adrienne Williams By: Adrienne Williams Three Day Rule Staff Writer

If you were to only know two things about me, you should know this:

1. I love Aziz Ansari

2. I love a good buffet

If you are familiar with Ansari’s stand-up comedy, you know that he often talks about food and relationships in his routines, making him so relatable. It’s almost like he’s your one friend that just gets it or maybe doesn’t get it at all. Either way, you love him. Ansari has written a book called, “Modern Romance” with sociologist Eric Klinenberg. They explore the ins, outs, ups and downs of dating in the modern age.

Recently Aziz did a short piece for Time Magazine, giving us a glimpse into the book.

I learned of the phenomenon of ‘good enough’ marriage, a term social anthropologists use to describe marriages that were less about finding the perfect match than a suitable candidate whom the family approved of for the couple to embark on adulthood together.

With the overwhelming amount of options for potential mates at our finger tips, the dating world has become a literal buffet of humans. With so many people to choose from, why on earth should we settle for “good enough” when your perfect match could be out there? Now, “perfect” may not necessarily be some checklist that populates the attainable versions of Tom Hardy and Beyoncé for you, but, however you define “perfect”,it is certainly better than the aforementioned depressing phenomena of “good enough”

Today’s generations are looking (exhaustively) for soul mates, whether we decide to hit the altar or not, and we have more opportunities than ever to find them.

Mobile apps are being developed at a rapid rate to bring us option after option after option. And quite frankly, I’ve probably used all of the apps at least once. But, the process can be exhausting. It’s almost too much sometimes.

I recall the days of being a kid and standing in the middle of a buffet on a Sunday afternoon in Detroit, holding my dad’s hand and thinking… “I want chicken. I want pizza. I want jello. I want ice cream. I want ham. I want steak. I want potatoes” More often than not, I would come back to the table with everything I wished for on my plate. My mother would always make me give half of it to my dad because there was no way I could finish it and honestly there was nary a vegetable in sight.

Why do I bring this up? Because often times my eyes were much bigger than my stomach, and I just picked what I liked, never what I needed and rarely tried anything new. Digital dating is just like a buffet. Person after person, swipe after swipe, without really taking the time to think about what we need AND want. I could have swiped past the love of my life because he didn’t have a beard or enough tattoos.

But people don’t always know what they’re looking for in a soul mate, unlike when they’re picking something easier, like laundry detergent.

I’m absolutely guilty of requesting the perfect mix of Idris Elba, Tom Hardy and Jimmy Fallon through a multitude of check boxes in online dating. Sometimes, it just doesn’t work that way. Sometimes there is a huge disconnect between what we want, what we need and what we settle for. And settling is the express lane on the highway to unhappiness.

At Three Day Rule, I get to see couples being matched based on what they want AND what they need with the help of an amazing team of matchmakers. The matchmakers get it. They get that Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and OkCupid are all viable options for a buffet of connections. But our Matchmakers operate like personal chefs at high end restaurant, catering to not only your appetite, but also your nutritional needs . There are so many options for matches in the world, that sometimes we just need a little help sorting through the menu to find that delicious and savory connection made just for us, rather than picking and grabbing at a buffet of lukewarm fried chicken.

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