By: Heather Noman, Three Day Rule Matchmaker
In a world full of dating advice, it can be hard to turn the often abstract tips into action. Day-to-day I focus on meeting incredible singles and getting to the bottom of what is working and not working in their dating lives. I have heard an amazing catalog of dating experiences and have a uniquely intimate view inside people’s dating lives and habits.
In my life, I am a constant observer and student of human interaction.
And I have begun to notice some specific actions (or in-actions) that are holding people back from realizing their own dating potential.
Here are seven actionable things you can do today to vastly improve your dating life.
1. Put down your phone.
Yes, I too used to be stuck in my phone (and sometimes still am). But when I became a professional matchmaker I quickly realized that I was the eyes and ears for my clients. It was up to me to meet the incredible people they deserved to be introduced to. And it forced me to be completely present wherever I went. I put away my phone and began looking directly at the people around me. I realized how many amazing people were right next to me and how many of us don’t even realize it. I started talking to people on the train, in the store, at the restaurant next to me.
Simply making eye contact led to amazing conversations.
Put down your phone and be open to those around you. It can lead to some really wonderful connections.
2. Body confidence.
Confidence isn’t only internal, it is external. In other words, how you feel on the inside shows on the outside and how you take care of your outside, affects your inner life as well. Confidence is sexy and feeling great in your body absolutely shows. In my day-to-day conversations with singles of all types, “fit” and “healthy” are two words that are consistently mentioned when discussing traits desired in a potential partner.
It isn’t all surface. Longevity, lifestyle and happiness are all important factors.
Go do something you love, create a habit, take a walk and get in touch with your physical self. Exercise not only increases your overall health, it increases serotonin making you a happier and more balanced person. Which is very attractive.
3. Like attracts like.
When I talk with singles, I ask questions that help me get a sense of who they are and what traits they are looking for in a potential partner. Lists are sometimes similar: beautiful, successful, outgoing, intelligent. But have you ever asked yourself if you possess the qualities you are looking for in a partner? If you desire someone fit, are you fit? Smart, intelligent, outgoing, funny?
Like attracts like. I have never met someone intelligent that told me they wanted to meet someone “not so smart”.
You should absolutely ask yourself if you have the qualities you are looking for. Or if the type of person you are looking for would be attracted to the qualities you do possess. If the answer is no, then you should work towards that. Take a class, surround yourself with people that have the traits you desire. Grow. You may even meet that special someone while doing so.
4. Start a conversation with a stranger.
Forget your mom’s advice. Talk to strangers. And make it a habit. I can’t say this enough.
Why just sit and wonder what could have happened if you had talked to that cutie in line next to you at the grocery store? I talk to strangers every day. And most of them are really amazing, interesting people. It is easier to approach someone than it may seem and it is actually a skill that can be practiced. Convince yourself to do it and then just go for it. I have even been known to chat up people on the train (with earphones in!). Growing your own network and meeting people is a sure way to increase your chances of finding someone you could really connect with. After all, what do you have to lose? You definitely won’t meet someone by wishing they would talk to you.
Edit, edit, edit, edit. Ah! Have you ever googled anyone before a date? I think we all the know the answer. Google yourself. Yikes. Most people are not aware of what they have out there on the internet. And someone really needs very little information to google you (think first name, company name, and university). Seriously, do it this second. Delete. Privatize. Edit. Any unflattering facebook photos from years ago, that frat party in college, that lovely album with your first boyfriend. Less is more. Many dates have ended before they have even started due to google. And while you are at it, edit the amount of information you decide to share on a first date.
Leave a little mystery, something to be found out down the line.
6. Take great photos (of yourself)
Online dating is one of the most common ways to meet someone nowadays. Online and apps rely heavily on photos. Photos are first thing your potential match will look at (even we prefer to think it isn’t). The number one best thing you can do to up your online dating success is to have good photos.
There is absolutely no reason to have bad photos. Have you ever looked at your competition?
Make sure you do the following:
- Limit – Use great shots and leave the rest to the imagination (there is no reason to have 20 photos online). A few very attractive pictures will do.
- Have your friends of the opposite sex tell you which photos are best of you.
- Post recent pictures. And show your personality!
- If you don’t have great photos or don’t think you are photogenic, make a major effort to take as many photos as possible until you do. Have a friend or even hire a professional to take some great natural shots.
This one factor alone can hugely impact your dating success. I think everyone can improve their photos in some way. Get a consensus from those close to you!
7. Open your parameters.
Coming up with a laundry list of “must have’s” in a partner may be a fun exercise but it is incredibly limiting.
Almost all of the successful couples I know would have never imagined their significant other as their partner before they met.
There is definitely something intangible to the right connection. As an experienced matchmaker, the best piece of advice I can give is to be open to meeting people. You never know who your person will be and if you think you do you may be blocking your own happiness. Take some time and think about if your “musts” really are “musts”. And then make it a practice to go out with some people that might not fit what you think you are looking for. There is absolutely nothing to lose and so much to gain.
Too often we think dating is something that should happen to us. Like somehow that person will be magically dropped in our laps. Change your outlook. You can make a difference in your own dating happiness. Dating and relationships aren’t just something you wait to come to you. You have to go out and find them. And doing these 7 things is a great way to start.