By: Joshua Pompey, Online Dating Coach
When I first started online dating nearly a decade ago, I spent hours every night performing searches and sending out emails, just hoping someone would respond to me. It was emotionally and physically exhausting, as well as a catalyst for one of the worst depressions of my life. I wasn’t just being rejected. I was paying to be ignored.
But, here’s the good news. Life doesn’t have to be this way. Fast forward to the future and not only am I able to receive responses from nearly every woman I message, but I have been teaching men all over the world to do the same thing. While there are many ingredients that contribute to online dating success, it all begins with understanding the experience of the average woman online. In this article I will discuss what all women wish men understood about online dating. If you can learn to adapt to their needs, you will already be way ahead of the pack.
1) Women online desperately want to be entertained
Each week most women online receive an endless barrage of “hello’s,” “hey’s” and everybody’s favorite, “what’s good sexy?” Let’s hope the last one isn’t you or you may require far more help then this article! Regardless, intros such as these will only bore your audience, and worse, make your audience think you are boring. The same goes for asking small talk questions.
In the online world, there is a disproportionate amount of competition for each single woman. If you want to get noticed, relieve women of their boredom, get creative, and make an effort to stand out from the masses.
2) Laughter is the #1 tool for getting noticed
If you truly want to stand out from the competition, always, and I mean always, attempt to make a woman laugh in each message. Not only will this help you get noticed, but women will always choose the men who make them laugh over the ones who can’t. This shows you are a good time, and puts your potential date in the mindset of, “it may not work out on a first date, but at least it won’t be boring or awkward”. This exponentially increases your odds of making it to a first date.
3) Stop telling women how beautiful they are in an email
Of course all women want to feel beautiful, but hearing how beautiful you are from a complete stranger in a message is much different than hearing the same compliment in “real life.” These comments online will make women think you are desperate, have no game, or are viewing them as objects more than people. Save the compliments for the first date (use them in moderation), and until then, just focus on being fun and interesting.
4) The written portion of your online dating profile is critical to receiving a response
Women may enjoy your message and approve of your photo gallery, but unless you look like Channing Tatum, the written portion of your profile is where they will make a final decision on whether or not they are going to respond to you. This is because for most women, the internal qualities and personality traits of a man are what they are most attracted to. Looks are secondary. Until you create a profile that is interesting, engaging, and designed to tap into qualities women can’t help feeling attracted to, your results will be minimal at best.
5) Women will notice every detail
Women notice details much more than men do. And, because there are so many men with bad intentions, their radar online is on full alert for red flags. For examples, profiles that are filled with grammar mistakes don’t just reveal that a man made a mistake in his profile. They reveal that this man might be lazy, unintelligent, not taking online dating seriously, etc. Even if this is not true, it’s the signals that are being sent.
In a woman’s mind, if a man is lazy with something as simple as an online dating profile, what will he be lazy about when it comes to important relationship issues, family issues, or his career down the road? The point is, when you have grammar mistakes, appear to have baggage, or unintentionally write statements that make you appear desperate, women will notice these things and stay away from you as a result.
6) You do not have to be conventionally good looking to attract a beautiful woman
The biggest misconception about online dating is that the medium is superficial, with women placing the most emphasis on looks. When men get ignored, they naturally assume it’s because they aren’t attractive enough. That’s what I assumed nearly a decade ago when I couldn’t receive a response to save my life. Well, guess what? I still look virtually the same, but I receive more messages than I could ever respond to.
Why? Because I learned to understand that women are wired differently then men. As stated above, women are mainly attracted to the internal qualities of men. The perfect photo gallery isn’t about looking amazing, it’s about telling a perfect visual story of a man who is interesting, fun, well-rounded, and has plenty to offer by tapping into the various qualities and personality traits that women are instinctively attracted to.
7) Women do not want a homework assignment
People are busy these days and women are constantly writing emails on the go. Any woman worth your while will not have the time to answer an email filled with multiple questions and large word counts, even if they are interested. The key is to be as interesting as possible, but economical with your words. A good rule of thumb is that no email should take more than three to five minutes to respond to.
Is that all you need to know about attracting women online? This lesson only scratches the surface. For more online dating tips, check out my free tutorial here.