By: Laurel House, Professional Dating Coach
Do you wonder, “How is it that she/he is in a relationship and I’m not?”
Do you have difficulty being vulnerable on a date because you fear turning them off, coming on too strong, scaring them away, or appearing less than perfect?
Do you wonder what you’re doing wrong and why you can’t get a second date?
Do you look at other smiling couples and wish you could feel that loved too?
Honestly . . . do you still fantasize about your first love?
If you answered “yes” to any of the above, then honestly ask yourself:
Are you in a healthy headspace, living the life you want to live, and feeling whole within yourself? What you actually need is to get clear on you. You need to look inside yourself and think about who you are. Where have you slipped up? What could you have done better in past relationships? How have you failed others? How have you failed yourself?
You Attract How YOU Act & Get What YOU Give.
If you can’t figure out why you keep attracting these guys who are manic, obsessive, partiers, workaholics or lacking drive and direction, look in the mirror.
The people you attract are often a reflection of yourself, a mirror image. Think about if you really want a mirror image of you.
You Attract You. You Attract Your Creation.
Do you have manic behaviors? When you are depressed, do you lose complete control around food, devouring absolutely everything in sight? Do you easily become frenzied when something doesn’t go your way, irrationally exploding on whoever is in front of you? Are you focused on finding parties every night…sometimes two in case the first is a bust? When on vacation, are you already planning the next one, finding fulfillment in being on the move and empty when you are at rest?
Do you feel like your clock is ticking down like a timer and your opportunity to get married is now or never so you are frantically dating anyone who asks you out regardless of if they are a fit for you?
Do you tend to take care of everyone, taking on too much “because you know you can do it”, then wonder why you’re attracting needy people who are never good enough for you?
Are You a Crazy-Maker?
They say that if someone is acting crazy, there is often a crazy-maker. Are you the crazy-maker? Are you doing little things that sabotage your happiness? Maybe you always seem to be in “dramatic” relationships because you are the root of that drama. Ask yourself what you are you doing to contribute to the repeated downfall of your relationships. Because you are definitely not innocent every time.
Stirring the Pot? Maybe you are stirring the pot and you don’t even know it. Or maybe you do. Maybe you should ask in a calm way when you are not in an argument. Understanding his perspective can help you to more clearly see yourself.
Misplaced Priorities? Maybe your relationships repeatedly end because you are simply picking the wrong guys. You have misplaced priorities and values that mislead you.
Take a beat. Inhale into your belly. Fully exhale all of the stress and fears and emptiness. Now think about it. How have you been acting? What patterns have you been experiencing in your relationships? What similar traits have the guys you have dated all possessed? Look at yourself. Are you those things too? Are you getting shallow guys because you are giving off shallow energy? Are you getting needy guys because you’re giving off needy energy? Are you getting guys who are desperate because you are giving off desperate energy?
You’ve got to get clear on who you want to be first. Do your work. Then you will get the right guy for you, based on the vibe you are giving off to him.
Once you have figured you out, think about what you have to offer. What do you bring to the table? Do you have a great sense of humor, witty mouth, sharp intellect, or are a nurturer? Look at your core values. Then, you need to combine the two concepts: being clear on what you actually want and understanding that you get what you give. If you want honesty, be honest. If you want trust, be trustworthy. If you want love, be loving. Now that is when you will finally be happy and make someone happy in return.