By: Membership Coordinator, Katie Kaynor
While there is certainly no shame in admitting what you do or don’t want in a potential partner, at TDR we often find that singles tend to confuse “being selective” with “closing doors too quickly.” Based on her discussions with scores of clients, our CEO, Talia Goldstein, confirms this: although they may immediately appear to be a good fit ‘on paper’, many of the singles she has successfully matched end up being couples who are amazingly well-suited in the long run. As you approach dating in 2015, we encourage you to look beyond the superficialities and examine what you are really looking for in a mate.
Your first task: reduce the number of items on the ‘checklist’ of attributes you are looking for in a partner. While it’s certainly helpful to have a few relationship ‘deal breakers’ in mind, we recommend that you prioritize your ‘master list’ and be willing to think ‘outside the box’. Perfection doesn’t exist. Instead, challenge yourself to broaden your expectations (this is not the same thing as ‘lowering’ your expectations), and be open to giving all sorts of people a chance, even if they don’t exactly appear to be ‘your type’. Dating requires patience; the more people you get to know, the better the chances are that you’ll find ‘the one’.
Your next assignment: examine your expectations to ensure they are realistic — and fair. Many of us have a tendency to expect more from a potential partner than we ourselves are able to offer to others. Ask yourself, “Am I as interested in getting to know other people as I would like them to be in getting to know me?” “Do I listen at least as much as I talk?” “Do I take care of myself physically, mentally, and emotionally?” “Do I seek new challenges and new experiences?” “In short, am I the kind of potential partner that I myself am looking for?” If the answer to this last question is “no,” then you may need to do some more ‘internal work’ before you can expect others to recognize your true value.
How do you accomplish this? Start by focusing on outward, not inward. Dedicate time to outside pursuits. Learn a new skill. Volunteer to help others. In short, become the best and most complete ‘you’ possible; in doing so, you will maximize the qualities you can offer to others in your life, whether they be ‘the one’ or not.