“The Good Ones are Gone”

By: Matchmaker, Robyn Swider

As a matchmaker in New York – where there are over 1.5 million single people – I’m always surprised how many people have concluded that “all the good ones are taken.” After a few bad dates, it’s easy to wonder if the right guy or girl for you even exists.

Instead of concluding that you’re destined to settle, try to understand why you aren’t meeting the type of singles you seek and what you can do to change these circumstances.

Those who conclude that “all the good ones are taken” have actually fallen into one of three common dating traps:

  •        They’re suffering from dating ADD,
  •         They have a narrow view of their “perfect” match, or
  •         They are spending all of their free time with couples

Dating ADD:  It’s practically impossible to judge whether someone is an appropriate match for you if you barely take the time to get to know them.  As a test, try to employ a two-date rule:  if you’re on the fence after one date, always give that person a second chance. It’s unreasonable to expect sparks to fly during an initial meeting – sometimes people are nervous or just take time to warm up.  If you give your prospects a bit more time, you may be surprised to find the good ones are right in front of you.

The “perfect” match: Does your “perfect” match checklist require scrolling? Try this challenge: ask out (or accept a date from) one person who doesn’t fit some of the criteria. Perhaps a year or two older, or maybe they play a sport or listen to a type of music that you know nothing about. When you meet, focus on two or three things that are critically important to you.

Couple time: On the opposite end, if the majority of your free time is spent with friends, co-workers, and family members who are married or in relationships, I encourage you to branch out.  Enlist the help of one of them who will be a wingman or –woman to accompany you on a solo mission. Or, join a club or activity group where you are likely to meet other single people.

You are empowered to change your circumstances in 2015! Our matchmakers are here to help you take the first step. We can help you date more efficiently,  identify your priorities, and expose you to new networks of matches.

 

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