When I first moved to Los Angeles, one the weirdest things that I had to get used to was the odd array of decisions that came with finding a place to live. For example, when I lived in Orange County, most houses & apartments were new. The hardest thing I ever had to decide on was whether or not to paint a wall in my living room. In LA, it’s quite the contrary. Every visit to an apartment complex or home becomes an intense version of the game ‘Would You Rather!” – each answer to the question being harder than the question itself:
Would you rather have a large bathroom or no heater?
Would you rather have a dishwasher or no closet?
Unless you have all the money in the world to afford everything (which most of us don’t) we tend to make big sacrifices in the name of real estate. But can the same be said about relationships? When it comes to the people we date, do we find that we have made sacrifices in the relationships we have in order to move forward with life’s grand plan? Are we all perfectly happy playing the “Would You Rather” game – hoping that love will find its way into the equation?
Would you rather find your soul mate and but be bound to a long distance relationship?
Would you rather have a committed relationship with a person that is married?
The scenarios I am presented with on a daily basis from clients are astonishing and scary! Why are people even debating some of these scenarios? To take a break from the reality of said work, I convinced a friend of mine to head to the newest food de jour of West Hollywood, Glazed LA, a new donut bistro a block away from my house.
For months the anticipation has been growing about what this place was about and how it would taste. Most of all, how would the “Paleo Dieting, Vegan touting, No Carb Angelino” welcome a “donut” shop of all things into its city? The answer was simple – with open arms.
For several days I attempted to grab donuts from the new shop only to be greeted by long lines and the occasional “all out of donuts” sign. I would ask, “when was it my turn?” every time I was turned away. But on the next trip to the shop, I noticed something different. I had absolute confidence that I was coming home with a well-deserved treat – and I did!
But on the next trip to the shop, I noticed something different. I had absolute confidence that I was coming home with a well-deserved treat – and I did! There we were clearing hurdle after hurdle of bad luck: the shop was open, no lines, and the clear glass display case with chock full of freshly baked delights! A win on all accounts!
As my friend and I sat there and decided on which yummy treat to inhale first, it was as if we never had a donut in our life! And of course, they were over the top delicious! Naturally, as we ate, we somehow get around to discussing relationships. As if everything I said about needing to escape the office went in one ear and out the other.
“So I stayed over at Craig’s house again,” he said.
To which I replied, “Craig, the one who doesn’t want a relationship?”
To which he replied, under a not so innocent laugh, “Yes.”
“Why do you keep going over if he has made it perfectly clear that he doesn’t want to be in a committed relationship with you?” I said, with anger.
“Well..” he said, “…it’s the sex!”
“So you would rather have a relationship with a guy who doesn’t want a commitment – because the SEX is good!?”
At this point, I have eaten everything in front of me and was talking a little too loud for other patrons to digest at 10 in the morning. So we left and tabled our conversation until later.
Back at the office I became distracted by the day’s conundrum. I started to tap my pencil on the desk and stared out the window.
Why does everyone insist on playing “Would You Rather” instead of playing “What I Deserve Is”?
So now I ask you, why do we waste our time with relationships and people that do not contribute to our future happiness? When it comes to love, why don’t we hold ourselves to a higher standard? Instead, it seems we have turned into a society complacent with sub-par relationships. We would rather have bad relationships and call them great than have fulfilling relationships and call it love.
However, when we acknowledge that we deserve we allow ourselves to fully accept happiness into our lives. If we think that we should hold onto this person or this relationship because we cannot do (or have) better, then we are only cheating ourselves.
All of you deserve to be happy, to be respected and to be romanced. There is no rule that says marry the first man that asks, but a bad relationship will never be a good relationship.
Take your time while you date, figure out what you like and don’t like – but don’t ever feel like you have no other options.
Today, when I walked into the donut store, I could easily have gone for the classic glazed – but instead, I chose the Brown Butter Maple Bacon. This is what I love, what makes me happy, and – most of all – what I deserve. Do the same with the people you date. Go for what you deserve and what makes you happy otherwise, you’re just wasting time.
Till next blog…