In Los Angeles, we are blessed with the gift of unlimited options. During the winter, we have the choice of heading to the mountains to ski, the beach for sun, or to the valleys for wine tasting. When we order our dinner, we can choose the “dressing on the side, gluten free, egg whites only, hold the bread please” option from the menu. So, when it comes to all the options in the gay world of dating, why do we often forget that even have options available at all?
We date a guy who is super hot – but has no job, or we date a guy who only wants an open relationship because we don’t want to be alone (and something is better than nothing), or we even date a guy who will (not) come out to his family and would like to keep your relationship a secret.
All of these options are self-destructive and can only lead to heartbreak. So why do we continue to sell ourselves short? Are we incapable of deciphering the right or wrong path to take when it comes to the matters of the heart? To help everyone out, I have decided that I will share with you my Top Five Gay Golden Rules of Dating.
Rule 1. “Let Go Of the Past”
Every gay man has stories about “coming out”, childhood, family, fear and broken hearts. These are things that color our past but often get confused with what defines us today. It is important to take what has happened to us in the past and use it as knowledge and wisdom, rather than something that completely defines who we are and what we are capable of. Starting today…let go and create a clean slate in your life. This is so important to be happy both in your life AND in your relationships.
Rule 2. “Be A Gentleman”
There is nothing sexier to me than a well-mannered guy. You can have all the money in the world or be extremely good looking – but if you are unkind and disrespectful that is all I will see. So try holding a door open, saying please or thank you. Be courteous! The art of being a gentleman is a long forgotten skill and if you can sprinkle it into your life, it will become one of the most attractive things about you.
Rule 3. “Be Chivalrous”
It is often said that “chivalry is dead,” and I agree 90%. So this is your chance to – as Cher would say – TURN BACK TIME! Be the guy who shows up to a date dressed up and not in a t-shirt. Be the guy who opens the car door, and surprises their date to dinner at their favorite restaurant. All these little things matter and they are important to a healthy relationship. If you do not channel your inner Mr. Darcy, you will never win over the heart of a good man.
Rule 4. “Test Drive, Just Don’t Buy Car”
We often talk about sex as gay men. How can we not- we are men. It’s in our DNA to be aggressive, alpha and sexual. But when it comes to deciding if we should put out on the first date- its best to slow things down or just be another statistic. Sure – sexual attraction is often overwhelming. But this mindset is once again self-destructive behavior. I’m not saying you can’t make out or embrace the passion – but just don’t buy the car on your first test drive! If you want the relationship, hold off. It’s kind of sexy to build the tension anyway.
Rule 5. “Be Assertive”
Last but not least, be assertive. There is no bigger turn off than a man that cannot commit to a timely follow-up. If you like the guy then tell him! Plan the next time you want to see them. In a world with technology that enables us to communicate in ten different ways – there is absolutely no excuse NOT to tell your date you had a great time and that you want to see them again. If you continue to be the guy who waits till Wednesday for a Saturday plan – you’ll be the guy alone till he is 80 years old. Incidentally, all these same rules apply to when you are asking someone out (or being asked) on a first date too – so don’t get it confused. Assertiveness should rule all aspects of “committing” to your dating schedule. Don’t be a flake!
Okay folks, there it is – my Top Five Gay Golden Rules of Dating.
I beg you to start instituting them immediately and I promise you they will change your love life. They are a simple start to a long-term plan we have to bring happiness back into your life and weeding out all the creeps that keep making their way into dating diet.